Quorn, Feminism & Work

Hey guys, how are you all doing?

It is Sunday afternoon here, I am sat (as usual) at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and some grapes ready to write (well, type).  It really is becoming one of my favourite things to do.  I used to write because I was struggling to deal with some feelings or because I needed advice but lately I just enjoy taking some time to sit and write about anything that is in my head, anything that has happened and anything about to happen or even just random crap really! I find it so therapeutic.

So me and my husband went out for breakfast with his parents this morning to a department store where I could finally return that sodding jumper – the one that I tried to return to 3 different places last weekend without success and even took on holiday to return it to a shop there.  It has finally been returned and I have finally be refunded. YAY.

Today I brought my first Christmas present.  My Dad and stepmum said they wanted some new saucepans for Christmas and whilst saucepans are as dull as dishwater, they want them and so I saw a set of 3 for a decent price and purchased them.  As I had got a £40 refund for that jumper it meant they only cost me about £10 (kind of… ) and I also brought myself a new travel mug for work.  However it is no ordinary travel mug, it is called an “rCup” (meaning recycled) and is the “worlds first cup made from used cups”.  It is 100% recyclable and dishwasher safe and it looks nice too! Winning!

On the note of saving the planet, me and my husband have decided this weekend that we are going to give up beef.  My husband read an article about how giving  up beef would reduce more emissions than giving up your car.

Producing 1kg of beef results in more CO2 emissions than going for a three-hour drive while leaving all the lights on at home, scientists said today.

Obviously there is a lot more to it than that so here is one of the articles that I have been reading if you are interested:

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2007/jul/19/climatechange.climatechange

Anyway I realise this may bore some people and I don’t want to get into any kind of debate or argument over it, so I shall leave that topic there.  Yesterday I went out and brought some Quorn and I cooked a big chilli con carne and a big shepherds pie and then I froze individual portions ready for weeknights when I don’t feel like cooking or I am short on time.  I feel so impressed with myself haha. I have actually just been out to buy some vegetable stock and some more Quorn and freezer bags and I might make a spaghetti bolognese later too.

I’ve also been reading about feminism and finding myself very interested in it.  What first caught my attention was seeing this in the news:

https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2018/oct/05/topshop-axes-penguin-pop-up-to-promote-feminist-book-in-store

So I have now ordered the book and I will report back on my findings soon LOL.

It might sound silly, but reading up on the beef stuff and the feminism stuff has really felt good. It feels like it is all part of me finding myself so to speak.  It is finding out what I enjoy or what I am interested in, what I believe in and not what someone else has told me I like, enjoy or believe in.  I appreciate many people have many opinions about all of these things, and I totally respect that but for me, it feels good.

Moving on..

Yesterday I got up early and went to the gym about 45 minutes before my class was due to start and went into the gym area.  I can’t really run anymore because I have trouble with my knees, but I went on the treadmill and put up the incline and did some power walking.  I did that for about 20 minutes, then went on the bike and then the stair machine (although I don’t think I was doing that right!) then went to my class, body balance which I love.  It was great and I got home about 10am feeling good.

My husband and the kids had some gardening to do so I baked a fruit cake and I felt so good. I felt so positive.  Exercise, baking and playing music as I baked, it is the perfect Saturday morning for me.  Later I took the two boys to the barbers to get their hair cut, popped to the supermarket for Quorn supplies and then did the batch cooking I said about earlier.  It was a busy day, I literally didn’t sit down once but it was full of things I enjoy (apart from writing which I didn’t get time for).

Whilst I was baking I remembered that my mum was doing something that she had told me about when I saw her on Wednesday and I decided to text her and say I hope she was having a nice time.  I haven’t text my mum first for a very long time – mainly because I haven’t wanted to speak to her at all, but as Wednesday went well and she was nice to me, I decided I would.  I thought to myself it is almost like rewarding the good behaviour and ignoring the bad! We exchanged a few messages and she seemed to like the fact I had text her and I felt glad I had afterwards.  It makes such a difference when she can be nice and normal and it has given me a lot of mental space too because my brain wasn’t full up all weekend of me thinking about something she has done or said or dreading hearing from her or seeing her or reading about narcissism or trauma or therapy…. it seems to have really given me some peace and I guess in turn it has enabled me to just get on with doing things I enjoy, like my gym class, baking and cooking.  If only that feeling could stay!

In the evening I went to the pub with my husband for a couple of hours where we chatted about my first day back to work Friday.  I won’t go into loads of detail about that here, mainly because I don’t have time but also because I don’t want to fill my brain with thoughts of work right now haha.  In a nutshell it went fine. I did decide to email the 4 partners I work for and I kept the message simple but said that the reason for my absence had been that I was signed off for struggling a little with my mental health.  I said that I was feeling much better and that I was happy to speak to them and answer any questions but that I would see them I shortly.  3 of the 4 lawyers responded and the one who didn’t respond, appeared at my desk in the morning and asked me to go and have a coffee with him.   The emails I received were all pleasant and the two face to face meetings I had went well.  One of them wasn’t in the office Friday but will be tomorrow and one did see me around but didn’t actually say anything to me – which is fine by me.

Michael, the one I was most worried about was fine.  He wasn’t hugely sympathetic or anything but he did say that someone close to him in his family struggled with anxiety and panic attacks and that he did understand how it can effect a person.  I made of point of saying that I didn’t want it to be public knowledge and that I didn’t want anyone to think it meant I wasn’t capable of doing my job.  He replied “well you are more than capable of your job” which was reassuring to hear because he is such an arse most of the time he has never given me any feedback whatsoever.

The girls in my team were friendly and two of them asked me how I was feeling in a way that suggested they knew why  I had been away – even though I had not told them and I just replied to say I was much better and thanked them for asking.

I think the worst is done, tomorrow should be a bit easier as I have seen most people, just a few to go.  It didn’t help that it was also my first day in the brand new office and so it was all so different.  The new office is amazing though, very clean and modern and impressive.  My new desk has a button where you can stand up and work or sit down and I quite like having the choice.  I had about 600 emails to go back to which took a very long time to clear as you can imagine, but when I left the office, my emails were sorted and I was much more up to speed.

The new office has a gym which you can use for free and also offers free yoga classes on a Monday lunch time. I have signed up to the yoga classes and also registered to attend the compulsory gym induction so that I can use the gym at lunch or maybe before work sometimes. I think that will be really helpful for me.  They are also offering 20 minute meditation sessions on a Thursday lunch and I have put my name down to try that too.  All positive things I think and hopefully things that will help me.

I think that is about it for now. I am going to go and make that spag bol to eat later tonight and we are off to my Dad`s house in an hour.

Bye for now!