On Saturday I was driving to my new house when my phone (which was in the cradle showing my map) began to ring. It was my sister’s Dad. The one who came to my house after I specifically said he wasn’t welcome and laid into me a few months ago about counselling and how I needed to move on and draw a line under my past. For details, the post is here.
I haven’t heard from him since that day until that call on Saturday and his timing was impeccable as I was VERY happy and excited and when I saw his name on my phone, panic hit and my heart started beating really, really fast and I felt nervous.
I ignored the call that day as I had many more things to think about.
Sunday, he called again. I ignored it.
This morning, when I was on the train he called again. I cut the call off. He phoned again, straight afterwards. I cut the call off. He called AGAIN and I cut the call off and text him to say I was on the train and would call him back.
I didn’t want to call him back but I knew I couldn’t avoid his calls forever. I was scared. Really, really scared. Disproportionately scared to the point that I nearly had a full on panic attack – even quite possibly did. I had to focus on my breathing to try and trick my body into calming down a bit. I was full of adrenaline. Petrified.
So, I bit the bullet and called him when I got off the train. The conversation started off like this:
Him: Oh hello Twink!!
Him: How are you? I was calling you the other day as Casper was on tele and it was the movie I took you to see when you were little, I thought you may like to have watched it with the kids!
Him: Oh also, I haven’t got you an Easter egg because I don’t know where to take it to? Your mums said you’ve moved house?
Me: Err well to be honest, I think we have a few things to sort out before we start discussing Casper and Easter eggs.
Him: What things? There are no things to discuss from my point of view.
From there, the conversation took an almighty nose-dive. He told me I was a bully (to my sister). He told me I needed to grow up. That I wasn’t the girl he used to know, that I was clearly “still” angry. I told him that he really upset me last time I saw him, that he walked out of my house without saying goodbye etc, leaving me crying and that I hadn’t heard from him for the last 2 months.
He told me that from his perspective things were fine and he was “still coming to your wedding – unless that’s changed?” and I said “well, yes, you won’t be unless we sort things out! Obviously!”.
He was very sarcastic, laughed a lot when I said he had hurt me/upset me and that I was a 30 year old woman that didn’t need to be “told off” by him. He told me that I took everything too personally and said the only thing he cared about was “his daughter” (my sister) and that he will not tolerate anyone bulling her. I told him I was certainly NOT bullying her and that me and her were okay. He laughed and said “well, we can agree to disagree on that point!”. I told him my sister was 23 years old and didn’t need him fighting her battles. He said yes she did.
In the end, he said he wasn’t going to speak to me whilst I was “so angry”. I told him to have a lovely day (my turn at sarcasm).
And then, I burst into tears as I walked my journey to work. As you can imagine, by the time I got to work, I was in a total state. I was shaking and crying so hard I could barely breathe.
I feel totally exhausted from it all now, even 3 hours later.
I am confused. Did he REALLY think we were fine? Or was he hoping to just move on and forget how things ended? Was he genuinely interested in speaking to me? In coming to my wedding or was he hoping to get my address for my mother? So many questions.
Out of it all, calling me a bully has really upset me. That and the fact that when I was growing up, he was nice to me and yet I was always scared of him in one sense because when I was about 11, my mother sat me down and told me how he used to beat her up. How he nearly killed her and how I shouldn’t want to see anyone that hurt her that much. She put the fear of God into me and now the two of them are getting on like a house on fire and it’s me that they are attacking. Now she is using him to get to me – or perhaps he is doing that of his own accord.
The sad fact of the matter is that I am still scared of him. He is a scary man and he can be violent. I’ve seen him hurt people and women and wouldn’t put much past him. He works in the town I’ve just moved to, so now I am scared to see him.
I am drained from feeling frightened and nervous and scared and I am angry that I am always having to defend myself whilst being made to look like the bad guy.
When will this shit-storm ever end?