Last night my Nan text me. I’ve been expecting contact for a long time now. I had been dreading Mother’s Day for (partly) that very reason. Her text said “we never hear from you Twink. Just let me know you’re okay”.
I replied saying I was well and that I had only text her last week about my wedding and she had replied. She said my wedding wasn’t mentioned… (it was). I changed the subject and asked how her and Grandad were, she replied saying Grandad wasn’t very well and then she didn’t reply to me again.
This morning she text me saying she couldn’t let me pay for the room and to tell her how much they owed me. I told her not to be silly.
A few hours later she text me again, she said she had just spoken with “mummy”…… my heart skipped a beat, actually it started pumping like mad…
She said “mummy” said she never hears from me and that she didn’t know what was going on and could we sort it out. She also said she couldn’t understand why we would be arguing now I was getting married… (what relevance is that?).
I told her not to worry, that it was between me and my mum, that we were big girls and that I loved her and my grandad and hoped to see them soon. Well played I felt….
She then sent this:
“Will mummy and [stepdad] be at the wedding? Xxx”
I’ve not replied to that message still. It’s been about 5 hours now, thankfully she hasn’t sent any more. I’m not ignoring her in anger or anything but I felt totally stuck on what to say.
I don’t want to upset my Nan, or my grandad. I don’t want to worry her. I don’t want her playing peacekeeper and also, I don’t want her telling my mother anything or giving my mother hope.
Equally I worry if it’s really my Nan asking these things, or whether my mum’s been crying over Mother’s Day and my Nan is doing her dirty work for her.
I guess ignoring the message probably sends a clear answer anyway… but I’m not sure that’s where things will be left. I may hear again tomorrow. I wonder what my mother has told my Nan, I wonder what she knows. I wonder if she is really “in the dark” like she says?! Who knows what and who to believe these days.
Part of me thinks I need to just tell my Nan that my mother and stepfather won’t be there. That I should deal with the fallout of that and not protect my Nan…. but I feel bad for her and I guess maybe it’s scary too.
I’ve been dreading this for months and months, yet in a weird way I’m glad it’s happened so I can stop waiting!!