More Confusion

Following on from yesterday’s post I had to get back to my mother having told her I would find a suitable date on Friday. I text her and said that due to this and that, Saturday or Sunday 21st for breakfast or lunch worked best for me. She replied to say that 21st for breakfastworked best for her. She then sent another message immediately afterwards asking me to please find an evening so we could go out for a “night out” with loads of smiley face emojis.  

Clearly I should have told her outright I do not want to drink with her, or maybe I should have just ignored that message altogether however I didn’t feel able to do that (especially when it was ME that had suggested we had drinks Friday night) and so I just kinda fobbed her off by saying I that I would do, but that I wouldn’t be living locally for at least a few months. She replied and said (amongst other things) that she was really hoping to see me more when I had moved and was settled.. with some sad face emojis.  

Erm …

Now I’m even more confused because I cannot understand why she would think she would see me more when I have moved house considering I am moving literally a few minutes away from where I live now. I also can’t understand why she thinks that the reason we haven’t seen each other for the last 4 months or so is because of location or where either of us lives – it clearly is not. She and I live about ten minutes apart. Is she just kidding herself? Just saying that for something to say? Weird. I genuinely did not know how to respond to that and so I didn’t really acknowledge that message and just said what a stress it was buying a house and made a joke about how I will never move again. 

I feel like I’m still trying to play catch-up with all of this. I’ve heard barely a thing from her for the whole of April, May and June and now all of a sudden I’m getting messages about how she misses me, can’t wait to see me, how despite having a breakfast date arranged for a few weeks’ time, she wants to arrange a “night out” and now this about how she “hopes to see me more”.

I’ve been asking myself some questions about all of this, the main question being “Why?”.

Why now? Why the change? Why does she think that? Why did she not contact me and why is she now being all “nice”? Why? I imagine T saying that there isn’t much point in trying to understand her motive because I can’t put myself in the mind of some with narcissistic personality disorder. I imagine her saying that my mother is clearly just bored and testing the boundaries again now that some time has passed. 

I have been wondering whether it’s because she tried to punish me with her silence and get me to go running to her, but I didn’t and so she has decided she needs to try a different tactic? I wonder whether it really is the case that she is just bored and fancied seeing what I would do/say, seeing how easy it would be to pick me back up and whilst that is entirely plausible, it feels hard to accept (probably because I don’t want to?). 

I do believe that she puts up with the breakfast or lunch meetings just to appease me in the hope that they will lead to drinking nights and I do wonder if she just got fed up of “putting in the work” so to speak in March after another “boring” lunch meeting and so she gave herself a break or couldn’t be bothered anymore and now she’s had a break, she thinks it’s worth the effort again to potentially get to drinking time? Perhaps I’ve bought this all on myself by my stupid offer of meeting her for drinks on Friday and now she thinks that is something we can do again – agghhh stupid me!!

Another thing I find confusing is that at our last meeting, in March, I told her I wanted to visit this particular rooftop bar that her and my sister had been to and she suggested we went for my birthday. I (after having had a drink or two later that night) told her via text that my birthday was ages away and couldn’t we go sooner? Clearly not… I find it hard to understand why she gave up that opportunity – I literally handed it to her on a plate. And then she didn’t even suggest seeing me for my birthday anyway – again, another missed opportunity for dinner or drinks etc. It’s so confusing.

This whole hot and cold thing is hard. It is harder than when she’s totally engulfing OR totally ignoring, though I suppose if I am brutally, brutally honest with myself, at least this feels like she wants to see me in some tiny capacity…. But it isn’t normal and it isn’t what I want it to be – obviously.

4 thoughts on “More Confusion

  1. That is super confusing TT! Her timing seems so strange. I smell a rat :-/ I also want to figure out the “why” behind everything… So completely get that you would be churning over everything in your head to figure out what this means.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh, this is rough, TT. th back and forth, push/pull, pressure on you to do what she wants, the way sh dangles care and also threats total withdrawal. hang in there. luckily, you have hubby and T and the rest of your brilliant life to keep you balanced ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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