This is a really random thought that I keep having and I’m just wondering if anyone knows what I mean, or can relate at all (or if I’m just weird!).
Sometimes when I am away from my T, whether that’s the normal week before and after my session or when she’s on a break like now, she feels kind of soft and warm and loving and affectionate…. it makes me want to write things and open up and be soft and vulnerable.
But then when I see her, when I’m in front of her I feel her as being strong and firm and sensible and clever and it makes me feel less able to be that vulnerable.
It’s mad because she has never given me reason to sense her that way. She isn’t hard or firm with me. It’s just the way I’ve realised I feel with her sometimes…. like she’s a “no nonsense” kind of woman and so I try and be stronger and sensible around her.
In my dreams, or when I have any distance, I feel her as the softer, more open T.
What is that about?