This Goodbye Mother letter is playing heavily on my mind.
I really think I want to send it. It is the only one I’ve ever wanted to send. The others helped just to write them but I always chickened out of sending them because I wasn’t yet ready for the consequences of her never speaking to me again. Now it is different because I have finally accepted the truth and now I do not want to speak to her.
People on a forum I’m on (Out Of The Fog) have wisely advised me that sending the letter isn’t always a great idea. Some people have suggested that it could be used against me, showed to people, put on social media and used as part of a fresh smear campaign. Some people suggested I was wasting my energy sending it and some said it was good to write it but not to actually send it – that it was a wasted attempt at getting an answer or apology.
But here’s the thing
I seriously DON’T want a response. I do not want a reply. I do not want a letter back or for her to phone me and ask for us to meet and talk. I am done.
My reasons for sending it are as follows:
- It feels like closure. I am setting out MY side, uninterrupted and uncensored. It is the total truth and I am telling MY story not fearing the consequences.
- Something about it feels like I am owning my power. I don’t mean that in a narcissistic way but it feels like sending it empowers me more. Somehow it makes me feel less like a scared little girl and more like an empowered and strong woman owning her story.
- It prevents me feeling like I owe any further explanations for my no contact. There cannot be any words of how she doesn’t know what she has done.
- I get the chance to respond to her lies – that I have lost my mind, gone crazy, been brainwashed, am obsessed with my therapist.
- I get the chance to say “no more”.
- I get the chance to tell her she is NOT invited to our wedding.
- I get the chance to give the money back – AND document it.
BUT… what I want to know is, what do you guys think? Do can you see the reasons I want to send it? Do you think it is a bad idea?
The only thing I am sure of is that the letter genuinely isn’t hoping for a nice, empathetic response. I am not expecting any of it to get through to her. It isn’t meant as punishment either. I do get that I can know and own my truth and my story without sending it.. but I don’t want to feel any guilt that perhaps she doesn’t know how I feel fully or perhaps she will contact me soon or right before my wedding.. it kinda makes me feel like I get to end the whole situation in some way.
[EDIT] – Thank you to everyone who has commented. I have read them all but am too tired to respond directly right now. I am going to bed now and will sleep on it but thank you all. I may not have wanted “don’t send it” to be the response but I am sure you are all thinking of me and so I need to listen to you all – as shit as that it. Thank you x