Another letter to Mum

(Not sent. Spontaneously typed on the train home).

Mum,

I’m writing this letter to you in response to your text on Friday.

I thought I should explain my feelings so that you understand why I am keeping the distance that I am.

You already know how I feel so I won’t go into detail about it again. I told you 3 years ago, I told you 6 weeks ago and again in the texts we exchanged a few days after that night.

I am not keeping distance because I am angry and hate you. However I do have some anger towards you.

The reason I am keeping my distance is as simple as this: whilst you are unable or unwilling to accept my pain, take some responsibility for it and apologise for that pain, I am stuck in that anger and can’t see a way for us to have a happy and healthy relationship.

Until I am no longer so hurt and angry, arguments like 3 years ago and 6 weeks ago will repeat themselves. And what’s more, the more you fail to respond in the way I need you to, the angrier I get and the probability is, the more regular those arguments will happen.

That isn’t fair on either of us.

So for me, until I feel differently I am trying to see how I can get rid of some of that pain and anger on my own. Without you doing that.

I haven’t yet given up the hope that you will have some sudden epiphany and see my pain for what it is: genuine sadness and not anything else like, baring a grudge or aggressiveness which is how I feel you see it. I don’t think you hurt me intentionally, but you did hurt me.

You can’t help the way you feel and you are completely entitled to your feelings of course: as am I. At the moment our feelings are too far apart.

I cannot push this under the rug any more. Mum, I have done that my whole life and I refuse to do so any longer.

I am sorry if you are sad or hurt, but so am I. This isn’t revenge just me being, once again, 100% honest.

So now you know how I feel.

Please do not respond unless you can offer me what I need because It will be pointless. I have thought long and hard about this letter and I mean what I say in it.

I do hope you have a nice Christmas.

8 thoughts on “Another letter to Mum

  1. Wow i could have written this myself infact i did, one very similar. And i told my mother after I sent her letter back to her that until she was willing to apologize I didn’t want to hear another word from her and it is has been over 2 years and I have not heard a word since.
    What realy got me is that you said you told her over and over again but she is choosing not to hear. It’s just like my mother. Why do my words mean nothing yet she can send these texts/messages, and think there will be no consequences and think it wont affect me. I don’ tknow that she cared if it affected me and only thought of herself.
    It is a good letter you wrote

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jesus, really? You asked for an apology and you didn’t hear anything since? In two years? Oh love that’s awful. I feel so sad for you. Why can’t these mothers just say sorry? Admit they made mistakes? I mean, Christ we would both be willing to keep a relationship with them if they did! We could all move on! It really would be in everyone’s best interest.

      I guess their opinion of themselves matters more than everything else.

      My only issue with the letter I wrote above is that it feels like it gives her a very easy way out…. I mean, I DO want an apology BUT I don’t want to spoon feed it to her?! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I returned her “I know you are just an angry person but I still love you ” letter and said I would nolonger be reading her letters unless the had I’m sorry written on the outside of the letter. If not I would return to sender . Which I did.
        Their opinion of themselves DOES matter more and what other think but not what their own daughter’s feel and that sucks. It’s a punch in the stomach. Some sort of twisted up in their head game and I don’t want to be a part of it because i never asked to be mixed up into a conditional love world that my mother lives in. I just asked to be heard, validated, loved unconditionally. But she can’t do that.
        I don’t think my mother is capable of an apology because it would mean she had to be accountable and she doesn’t know how.
        And right on what you said. To ask for an apology kind of takes away the real feeling behind it!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. There’s never going to be a perfect letter, but the bonus of writing over and over is that when you finally get pushed just that bit too far and blurt it all out, you sound really eloquent and assertive because all the words are already there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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