1st Draft: Letter to Mother

Mum,

In the month that we have not spoken I have been doing a lot of thinking.  I think we are both exhausted from arguing with each other.

I feel it is pointless for us to speak about it more than we already have because we clearly see things extremely differently and we both become defensive, upset and angry.

I think that your ideal situation would be us moving on, but I am not able to do that.  I feel that you see this as me being “stuck in the past” but it doesn’t feel that way to me. To me,it feels like ignoring something or sweeping it under the carpet and I have tried that – it doesn’t work for me.

I have a lot of pain, sadness and anger in me from the past and I now think these are things I am going to have to resolve on my own.  Because of this, I am going to take some time and space away from our relationship to see if that is possible.  I need to work on healing some of my pain in order to become less emotionally reactive and to let go of some unrealistic expectations.  I can’t carry on as we were whist I feel like this.

I don’t know how long this is going to take, but I am writing this to you so that you know why I am taking the time and space away that I need. I need to work out how we might be able to relate in a healthier way in the future and once I have done that, I will be in touch.

 

Thoughts, comments and opinions welcomed!!!

16 thoughts on “1st Draft: Letter to Mother

  1. I think that’s really good. You’re clear about what you want, is not adversarial or accusing and you’re accepting responsibility for your own emotional state without “taking the blame” for how you got there.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sorry DV I went to bed shortly after posting that as it was 1am here. Do you think? Thank you. I amended it loads of times already. I did include what I needed from her but then took it out as it felt like an invitation to reply and possibly offer a fake apology. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I know I can’t, I’ve given up any hope that I can change her. It’s been a painful realisation. I did put in my first attempt that I needed acknowledgment, validation and an apology but it felt like I was given her the chance to reply with a fake version of those things and that seems pointless. Thank you for your nice words (as usual!) xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’d put it in the post. Perhaps I’d send it in a generic Christmas card with a message to say have a good Christmas and I’ll be in touch in the new year – obv don’t know what your plans are about Christmas but it could give an additional message that this is a break from contact even through the festive period?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh love this is great! There’s no telling how she’d react to any number of versions you could write, so you just have to write for you and I think you’ve captured your position so well without pointing fingers.

    I agree with rubber bands about the Christmas card and putting it in the post. Email seems a bit business and whatsapp is too casual and easy to respond to and focus on when things were read etc.

    I can imagine this is a really confusing mix of relief and sadness 😞, you’re very brave and I’m proud of you xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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