I am angry today. Really angry. I just woke up like it. I am due on my period today, so perhaps it’s entirely hormonal… but also my fiancé and his ex wife are going to my eldest’s stepson’s opening evening together tonight for the first time.
In the 4 years we’ve been together, he’s not been allowed to go to any school events whatsoever, yet all he go WITH her, but because of the situation at the moment, my stepson apparently said he wanted his dad there as he was worried his mum would get upset and cry, and his Mum is refusing to just let my fiancé go instead of her.
The rational, adult in me understands this entirely. The child in me is screaming and throwing things at this sudden co-parenting, his ex-wife is back in our lives thing. I know this makes me sound very selfish. I know…
I booked me and my fiancé a few nights away for when I leave my job yesterday. He said, it depends on when the funeral is because he said he would go with her (the ex wife). Again: rational adult understands this. Child me is NOT happy that our holiday may not happen because of something to do with her.
Having said this, I WAS feeling okay about this stuff on Monday. Me and my fiancé had a good chat over lunch, I told him I was feeling uncomfortable with all of the texts and calls and stuff and he told me he was too and we spoke about some boundaries he would put in, if necessary. So that makes me wonder if I’m just using this stuff as an excuse to be angry. Am I projecting?
As I sit on the train writing this, I can feel a need to cry. It’s strong, yet the anger is equally as strong. I’m on my way to T’s so hopefully that helps. I really want to be able to go in and say “I feel very angry” but o doubt I will. It’s like this fake “well behaved” adult takes over when I see her. I’m not sure I have the energy for that today though.
I know I have a lot to feel angry about regarding my Mum and the situation I’m currently dealing with with her. The impossible decision and choice I have to make. The decision sucks either way however you look at it. Maybe it’s that.