Deep Dreams & Head Cloud

Me and my boyfriend were staying in a hotel by the sea.  The view was beautiful.  My boyfriend was in the shower and I was getting dressed by the mirror.  I took my clothes off and looked in he mirror and my bum was weird, it was very big and “high”.  I looked deformed. I then saw that my stomach had a huge slit across it and my insides were all spilling out, intestines etc.  I freaked out, panicked, my legs went weak and I felt very sick.  I grabbed the telephone and called 999 but the guy on the other end was very slow and casual and said there would be a half an hour wait.  I started to scream and cry and shout and he started laughing hysterically, that got me even madder. I thought I was going to die.

The next part of the dream I was at my T’s house (it wasn’t her actual house though).  She also had a wonderful view of the beaches and the sea. The sun was out, we were sitting on a large balcony area at a table talking causally. T was very calm and peaceful and I felt at ease too.  Then one at a time, two girls roughly my age came out, in the dream they were her daughters.  She introduced me to them calling me my full name (only my mother used to call me my full name as a kid).  I smiled at them and said hello. They were both absolutely beautiful.

The girls left and T said to me “try to remember a time when you were young, perhaps playing with one of your bothers when you were completely care-free, totally relaxed, happy, excited”.  I couldn’t and that made me very upset.

Next we were sitting in T’s kitchen at her breakfast bar and her son walked in.  He sat with us and was very funny, he had me and T laughing so much we had tears running down our faces. I paused for a moment and watched T watching her son, laughing and smiling, I felt incredibly sad that she loved her children so much and that I didn’t have that.

Next thing, me and T were standing at her front door saying goodbye to loads of guests, the walls by the front door and stairs were covered top to bottom in photos of her family, I was looking at the photos scanning who was in them, where they were, what they were doing. I was insanely jealous and sad but I didn’t let that show.

T told me that she has a boat and that her family often go sailing. I realised that was probably where she went when on her breaks.  I had never imagined T sailing boats.

Lastly, myself and my boyfriend were at my mother’s house.  My mother made a sarcastic comment along the lines of “well, what DO you want to talk about?” she was implying that my boyfriend wouldn’t let her invade his boundaries and was implying that made him difficult and boring. I snapped and shouted at her to fuck off. Her husband stood up and started to shout at me but I just left. I remember thinking to myself that it was a relief to have a reason to shout at her and to be able to walk away from her for a while.

What a lot to a dream!! I woke up with a pounding headache.  I think if I hadn’t of made myself get up, I would still be asleep.  I wrote the dream out quickly so that I didn’t forget it and tried to analyse it a bit.  I went to the toilet still in a bit of a haze. I felt that familiar sense of “head cloud” that I sometimes get. I knew I felt low, sad again.  All of a sudden I burst into tears, I cried very hard for a few minutes.  I cried like a baby might, wailing noises escaped my mouth which isn’t something I normally do. It hurt a lot.

I then had a shower and tidied the house. I am writing this in the hope it eases my head a little.  So much going on in there.  This dream and the shower dream have so much in them I think.

21 thoughts on “Deep Dreams & Head Cloud

  1. I get really affected by dreams that include my therapist too. They bring up a lot of powerful and difficult feelings and it’s really hard to shake them and move on. You’ve inspired me to try and write about it a bit. Hope it helps the dreams settle in you. Your unconscious is obviously very busy! Laura

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Laura, OMG my therapist literally says “your unconscious is obviously very busy” that’s scary!!

      You wrote this at a really good time. I’m home and feeling really miserable. I feel so headachey and fearful and moody. My boyfriend just told me he feels I have the ump with him, but I really don’t. I must be being cold.

      It’s really affected me too… I keep thinking about it. It’s only a dream but it’s causing a lot of grief XX

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Here’s something that might entertain you. I had a similarly evocative dream about being in my T’s house with her family all around etc. on Sunday night. Monday I was feeling really messed up about the feelings it stirred up in me. And then guess who I saw in the supermarket? Yeah it was her. So weird. So uncomfortable!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Absolutely not! We live in the same town and I’ve often thought it would be fine to run into her. We discussed it ages ago and agreed that if it happened we would just say hi in passing and carry on what we were doing. But when I saw her I got really panicky. My heart was racing. I felt like I was doing something wrong, invading her space somehow and I shouldn’t interact with her. It really freaked me out. So I just put my head down and power walked past her as quickly as I could hoping she wouldn’t see me. A really weird experience.


      3. Not yet. It happened Monday and then a whole lot of other stuff came up this week that was more important. I guess I should bring it up with her, but I’m kind of embarrassed. But I should get it figured out because it isn’t unlikely it will happen again x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I tend to dream more when I’m not talking and keeping things to myself. The dreams also usually involve my therapist and sometimes make no sense. It’s strange how much they stay with you and affect you. My therapist is a hypnotherapist but doesn’t think that dreams mean anything. That really shocks me because she works with the subconscious mind. It’s definitely your brain processing thoughts and feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey!! Wow really doesn’t she? I’m shocked too. Personally I totally believe it’s your processing of things. I pay attention to mine and share them with T. I get the message in these dreams but the feelings don’t seem to be dissipating today, very annoying xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s so strange! She said that has a recurring dream that her car hits a brick wall but it doesn’t mean anything. It’s the only time I have wondered if it’s some of her own vulnerability. I don’t massively read into dreams but it’s definitely the mind working overtime.
        It’s horrible when you can’t shake the feelings. xx


      2. Ha interesting! My T would have a fun time wth that dream I’m sure haha!! It is, thanks for understanding. I think I need some sleep, just annoying koz when I sleep I dream so it’s a viscous circle ATM. Xx


      1. Oooooooooo so apparently there’s a shift in the brain that occurs during sleep that can cause the mismatch because there are two parts of the brain working together to bring together the right information. I thought you might be interested in this snippet as it mentioned transference:

        “Since the brain has separate systems for deciding what a person looks like and who the person is, this division of labor may be responsible not only for disjunctive cognitions, but also the phenomenon of transference. In psychoanalytic treatment, patients frequently experience transference, in which the psychoanalyst is perceived to be very much like someone from the patient’s past. As in disjunctive cognitions of dreams, the patient may feel “You look like Dr. X, but you feel like my mother.” The separate areas of the brain involved in telling us what the person looks like and who the person is may give a neurobiological basis for transference, the phenomenon in which we know who a person is, yet we react emotionally to that person as if they are someone else.”

        Liked by 1 person

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