I was sent a photo of me bowling yesterday and it’s horrific. I look so fat! I know this sounds weird but although I don’t see myself as skinny (not at all), I didn’t think of myself as particularly chunky either. Well, photos don’t lie and now I’m in shock.
I admit for the last… actually I don’t know how long, I’ve been eating whenever and whatever I want. This has consisted in take aways after particularly bad days at work and drinking wine/snacking on chocolate and crisps etc.
I’ve been emotionally eating. Comfort eating for sure.
I’ve also not been able to sleep this weekend, Saturday night was bad and last night even worse.
I feel tired even though I’m probably still getting enough sleep and I’ve decided I need to do something about this.
My gym classes have slipped, I thought I was giving myself a break but I think maybe the exercise would have done me good both physically and mentally.
Today is a new day and all. I think that my mind and body are really going through it at the moment. All this understanding and deeper level of acceptance that my mother has npd is taking its toll on me in both ways.
I nearly asked for a day’s leave from work today to sleep and be alone but decided I would only spend the day upset and perhaps the distraction would do me good. I’ll probably regret that later but hey. I can’t keep taking time off work when things get hard, I’ll have no holiday left.
She has done enough damage already. She can’t keep doing this. My mental health has taken a battering and now my sleep and my body? Enough!