Angry & miserable 

Wow today I’m not in a good mood. My boyfriend proper copped a meltdown this morning. Now I have faceache like you wouldn’t imagine and I’m very tired. 

So we had a very rare Saturday morning without the kids, I had hoped that we might have a nice lay in, some tea in bed, some chats… you know, some loving? But the reality was that we had tea whilst my boyfriend played on his phone for an hour & then wanted to get up and get showered. 

I told him I really wanted to cuddle up and relax but he brushed it off saying we had been for an hour already – err no, we haven’t. 

Anyway I then ended up crying and venting about how I felt he never wants to cuddle or kiss me, how he doesn’t seem to want to be intimate with me and all sorts of other things. I then went and had a shower myself. 

We then had about an hour talking about it all (I cried throughout) and I told him I felt rejected. I said he’s always saying he loves me but he doesn’t show it. That actions are louder than words…. he kept saying he did love me and he didn’t mean to be shit. 

We went food shopping – boring as you can imagine. 

We’re now home and I am angry. Really angry. I don’t even know why. I’ve just unpacked the shopping and hoovered and stuff, he came and put his head on my lap (hard and it hurt!) so I told him to get off. He’s sloped back off huffing and puffing and I’m now crying again because I feel so horrible. 

Oh I hate this. I hate the mood I’m in. I hate that I’m crying and get angry at the same time. I hate that it all feels shit and I hate that I’m pushing him off me when I should be doing the opposite. 

Wanky shit fucks. 

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11 thoughts on “Angry & miserable 

  1. Awww..it only confirms you are human…mood swing happens to the best of us…you writing this might have eased a bit of tension off you…if not, don’t sweat it…just find some distraction….start a conversation when you feel lighter ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Fuck off to days like this!

    You’ve had a few things snowballing this week so it’s not surprising you’re feeling low. I would say that whilst it would be nice for him to give you the affection you desire, that that’s a separate issue but not the core issue. It’s likely the other stuff this week is putting a magnifying glass on your relationship and making you sensitive to it. I do the same thing, and I find that when I can zone in on what’s really bothering me, the pressure releases and me and my partner can breathe again.

    Let yourself be mad at the things that have mad you mad this week, and let yourself breathe.

    Big hugs

    Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This post resonated with me so much! The amount of days I have spent feeling exactly the way you describe, with it all starting exactly the same way; boyfriend on his phone. However, ‘This little mind of mine’ has hit the nail on the head.
    Give yourself time & do something that gives you pleasure, even if it’s something small like painting your nails, or whatever floats your boat, but as long as it is something for you.
    Hugs & blessings

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah thank you, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Things actually got worse after this, I cleaned the bath and the shower came on and soaked me and then something fell on my head. Honestly I can laugh now but I nearly exploded like you wouldn’t believe! Some anger in me today for sure so unusual!! I’ve apologised to my boyfriend and I also emailed my therapist and she thinks the feelings of not being loved enough, having no commitment and being a convenience are feelings from childhood which makes sense given the work I’ve been doing this week xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am glad you are now able to laugh about what happened to you in the bath – it made me laugh. Not at your expense at all but more at the way the universe works to try & tell us something or get us out of a funk. Unfortunately we can’t always see it at the time though. It’s good you have been able to gain some understanding behind your feelings today. I am sure emailing your therapist & receiving an insightful response has helped release some of the anger you felt today. I hope so any way xx

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s horrible feeling so angry and not being able to get yourself out that mood. You’ve had a tough week, hopefully tomorrow will be better?

    Like

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