I can’t believe I am saying this, but… I text my T. I sent her a text message whilst she is on a break. This has never been done before.
Some background: I have today off of work and was laying in bed re-reading some of my old blogs, particularly the ones just before the break and ended up crying. Not crying crying, just some tears rolling down my face. I was pretty surprised as I am finding the break fine but hey, clearly something had mad me cry.
I had read my note on my last session and I think I felt the strength of our bond, our connection to one another or something, I’m not too sure. Anyway, I decided to try something I have never done before and text her.
Firstly I have never text, I always always email.. secondly I have NEVER in nearly 3 years sent her a message of any kind when she has been away – that feels like a no-go area. Here is what I said:
“Hello [T,] I hope you are enjoying your break so far. I just found myself re-reading my notes from our last session(s) and note that I am feeling like I miss you a little bit and feeling very grateful that I have you in my life.
I feel a bit emotional – not particularly sad or depressed, just a little emotional. Hard to explain but it feels it will pass quickly and not ruin the day.
I have been reading your book and playing my Alanis album which seems to keep a connection alive for me which I like.
Anyway, no questions… I just thought I would be brave and try something new and send this to you during a break even though it feels “forbidden” somehow!
Take care and see you soon.”
I then distracted myself by having a shower and getting ready.. I then read for a bit.. I then went to the shop and got some food shopping done… I then came home and eat lunch.. watched an episode of a series, put some washing on… and here we are nearly 4 hours later and I haven’t had a reply agggghhhhhh.
The adult and rational part of me can reason that she may well be on holiday and not just off work, she could be at an event or any manor of things… but the child and more emotive part of me is scared now that she isn’t going to reply or that I’ve overstepped the mark somehow.
I said I missed her. Aghhh gaaakkkkkk.
To be continued.