Agghh its T Day…
Since all the drama at the weekend my feelings about T and therapy have been put aside a bit, but tonight at 7.30pm I will be back there and I am feeling all kinds of nervous about it.
It is a similar feeling to when I go back after a break. It makes me feel a bit nauseous all day and the closer it gets to me arriving there, the worse it feels. However, I do know that I ALWAYS come out of there feeling absolutely fine again, so I know it is not necessary. If only that was enough to stop the feelings.
I am nervous about talking to her about how I felt when I left last week and the embarrassment that I feel with that. To sit and look at her as I tell her that I didn’t want to leave her, that I wanted to stay, that I wanted her to contact me and that I wished there was no such things as boundaries.
I am embarrassed that we will discuss the email I sent to her and her’s back to me.. and how “that felt”….
I am scared that I will have the same feelings when I leave again tonight because they were horrible and I don’t want to feel like that again when I leave… I guess I am dramatizing a bit by worrying it is my new thing – to cry when I leave her.
I’ve been trying to pre-empt the things she might ask me tonight so that I can get my thoughts straight ahead of time. The things I’ve come up with are:
- How are you feeling now?
- What have you done with the feelings from last week?
- How did it feel?
- What do you think brought those feelings on?
- How did it feel to email me?
- How did my response feel?
- What were your fears/fantasies?
Do I have the answers? Not really, no.
Anyway, fingers and toes crossed I will post tomorrow and it will all have gone fine..
Have a good day everyone.