[I previously typed a disclaimer here to warn you that this post is full of soppiness and apologising for how irritating it might be. However, I’ve decided to delete that and enjoy the positivity while it lasts. I want to embrace this feeling, not apologise for it.]
I am feeling a little emotional today. Emotional in a good way. I think there must be a better word to explain what I mean, maybe… moved.
Yes, I think moved will do.
I don’t know why, or where this feeling has come from, but yesterday and today I have been hit with these sentimental feeling of being blessed I guess. Not in a religious way but of feeling lucky.
I have found a great T. I trust her. She is kind, supportive, attuned, understanding and everything else you would want from your T. I have been able to let myself become dependant on her which is a huge deal for someone with my past. It took time (over 2 years in fact) but I have got there.
Understanding the process as I do, I understand that I am being “re-parented” so to speak. I am getting the unconditional regard and attunement that I didn’t get before. I am attaching securely to my T and she won’t let me down. I will take this with me for the rest of my life.
When I have my own baby, I will understand on an innate level, the importance of a secure attachment. Of positive regard. Of attunement. Of affection, mirroring and all the other things that I will learn during this journey with T. My child will grow up feeling loved, seen and heard. It will grow up and know it is a good person. It will take chances, take risks, explore the world – all the while knowing it has parents that will always be there for them. It will feel secure, hopeful, confident and most of all, safe.
I won’t pass this dysfunction down to the next generation. It WILL stop at me. I will work my arse off to ensure it stops with me.
I know that it was me that decided to go into therapy and me that picked up the phone, but I just feel like I’ve been given a second chance. Like all of the pain really will loosen its grip on me, it really will become a part of my story rather than my only narrative. Something I guess I never felt possible.
I don’t feel like I am a bad person today.
I could cry at how much genuine gratitude I feel today on such a deep level. I don’t know what is going on or where this has come from. I think it will be something I talk to T about tonight.
I’m not usually this soppy, honest!!
What an amazing breakthrough! A very inspiring post xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh thank you! I am glad it came across as inspiring and not irritating!! Is it a breakthrough? Is that meant to happen?? x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m pretty sure it would be classed as a break through- knowing that it’s all going to be great in the end is a HUGE step! It’s something for you to hold on to and remember if you have a tough day xz
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I guess you are right. Ah thank you. It does “feel” like a breakthrough in the same way other breakthroughs have felt, so perhaps you are on to something!! ah thank you!!! xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
In that case, give yourself some credit for your hard work and the milestone that you have reached. Celebrate your success for that’s exactly what it is x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Eek I will. Thank you!!! :o) :o) :o)
LikeLiked by 1 person
You wrote from the heart…you were authentic. I didn’t feel any soppiness. Believe in yourself. You’re doing well. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊 XX
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
How are you doing my lovely?x
LikeLike
I’m okay. Today is a bed day though. X
LikeLike
Oh no! Hun. Session last night? X
LikeLike
Sorry fell back asleep. Yes session last night but I wasn’t well so we mostly just chatted. X
LikeLike
Oh poor you. Wish you better soon xx
LikeLike
Beautiful and lovely post, straight from the heart, loved it. ❤ Quite inspiring as well, you're getting better at this blogging thing haha 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahha Psy, thanks! Funny you say that, I was worried about posting this because I thought everyone would read it and be like “eugh bore off!!”. x
LikeLiked by 1 person
It can be, literally, life-changing to find a therapist who is attuned to you. I’m so glad you have that. Your future child is very lucky that you have learned about attunement and acceptance and that you’ll be able to offer that to him or her.
LikeLike
Aw thank you what a lovely message to read. I’ve just got home from there now and cried over this feeling (happy tears!) I wish it could last forever! X
LikeLike
This is a lovely and inspiring post! Your happiness shines through and made me smile. Glad you are feeling good 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah yay! Glad it made you smile 😀 I wish the feeling would last forever xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Soak it up! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Enjoy it! You never have to apologize… This is your blog, you can write and express whatever you want. We need to balance out the bad with the good anyway. So this was lovely to read. I’m glad you’re feeling so good. You deserve it. 🙂 x
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ah Rayne thank you. You’re right it is my blog, I hadn’t really looked at it like that. Clearly too caught up in what other people will think! Thanks for reminding me. I wish the feeling would last but know it won’t stay forever. I’m enjoying it for now though xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had the same problem in the beginning… Being caught up in what other people would think. But then someone (a few people actually), told me that it’s my blog and I can write what I want, when I wanted. I also needed that reminder. 🙂 Now I use my blog as a form of therapy. It’s always horrible to think that our good feelings won’t last, but like you said, we need to enjoy it while it lasts. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
totally inspiring! wonderful to see such good work. though your non-disclaimer is still a disclaimer, lol! (i’ve done that too) it’s ok, let it feel good. enjoy the endless journey!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha yes you’re totally right!!! 😂😂😂
LikeLike
“It WILL stop at me” High-fecking-five to you!! *does a little dance*
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehehe join me in my victory dance?! lets all do the conga.. la la la la!! x
LikeLike
La-la-la-la-la!
LikeLiked by 1 person
savour the feeling! all too often our feelings are not those of gratitude, I think its wonderful your feeling this way. xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, this was a while ago now and didn’t last that long 😂😂 xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know I’m behind on posts as usual, I save all of yours, I will catch up soon, sorry you didn’t last that long though. XX not you meant it 🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
Can you save posts? I wanna save posts lol xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
You can if you get email notifications. I get all my notifications to my email I don’t use the reader because the reader is crap and sometimes it misses out on tons of posts. And then I missing out on peoples writing so I just get email notifications instead
LikeLike
Ah good idea! The reader is crap. I always miss people’s posts – I might do that, thanks x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes absolutely crap don’t know what the you shoe is don’t know why they just don’t fix it
LikeLike
Are you getting my blog posts? I haven’t seen you on my site in a few days so I don’t know whether you’re getting them, see what I mean about WordPress fucking up? LOL
LikeLike
Let me look now x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Okay thanks, I just thought I’d ask because yesterday another blog reader wasn’t getting my posts and she had to go on the site and look through to see and then she was able to get them
LikeLike
I hadn’t seen half of them!!
LikeLike